Christmas Lights

I absolutely love Christmas lights. They are by far my most favorite decoration of the Christmas season. It makes me smile whenever I see them and it is a constant reminder of the season we are celebrating. I have the twinkly lights on in one part of my house all the time because I like to come down the steps and see the lights glowing.

So when did this love of lights happen? I'm not really sure but I think I have loved them all my life.

I live in a city that lights up big time at Christmas. Hundreds of thousands of people flock to the Plaza district every Thanksgiving evening to watch the lights come on. They bundle their family and brave all the traffic to watch lights come on. It is a magical thing to be there in person and, for the most part, people are cheerful and happy. We used to go down and be a part of the festivities but times change and we usually wait until later in the season when the crowds aren't as big. It is still as magical for me to see the lights when the streets are quiet.

My childhood memory of this is fuzzy at best but it is my memory nonetheless and I choose to keep it as it is. I remember going down as a family, before the divorce, and it was snowing and we walked around and looked at all the lights. Halls department store used to decorate their windows with little Christmas scenes that had little moving people, animals, Santas and any number of things. It was wonderful to watch the windows actually come to life and be drawn in to those little scenes. Now we may have only done this one time but I remember it as if we did it every Thanksgiving.

On the private side of the lights, I love to see peoples homes all lit up for Christmas. I was out driving last night and I just smiled the whole time becuase of all the homes that are sparkling for the season. In the mornings when Amos and I are taking our walk I am so energized by the lights that are still on. Not many keep their lights on all night but I am so happy with the ones that are. People are more inclined to have their curtains open so you can see their Christmas trees shining in the windows, this makes me happy. We have been putting a few strings of lights on our house for a number of years, starting when the boys were pretty young with one string of multicolored lights--it was magical! We try to buy new strings after Christmas when they are really cheap. Chris tries to change things up to make it new every year but this year was one of my favorite. He normally covers the bushes in front of our home and the red bud tree. I love driving up and seeing our red and green lights shining at our home. This year he hung some lights in the maple tree in our front yard, I was so surprised and delighted because you can see our tree from the end of the block when you turn up the street!! I smile everytime! We also got new LED lights for our Christmas tree and it always looks as if it is sparkling. I turn it on first thing in the morning and I leave it on until I go to bed.

So what have I learned from all of this that I can pass on to anyone who is reading this?? Enjoy the season for the short time that is is here. It is a marker of a long winter that is coming. Don't leave the lights up too long after the Christmas season, you will grow tired of them and may even resent them for hanging around long after the season has ended. Drive around and look at the lights, you cannot stay in a crabby mood if you look at all the pretty lights. Don't judge other folks displays, these make them happy just like yours make you happy. Now I am not real good about the last lesson--I am a purist if you will, I am not a fan of the huge inflatables that don many yards these days. They just look so sad when they are deflated and laying as if dead in a pile in the yards. I would much rather see the plastic Holy Family than an inflatable Rudolf. But that is my issue not yours.

Most importantly when you look at the lights think of what the light means for you and your family. I don't need the tree, the lights, the decorations or any of the stuff to remind me of what the true meaning of the season is. God became a baby and then lived as a man in order to die on a cross to save me from my sins. This is something we should be aware of everyday of the year not just on Christmas day.

So may the lights be a joy to you for the short season and may the Light of Christ be a joy to you for eternity.

Teach Your Children

You who are on the road

Must have a code that you can live by

And so become yourself

Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your children well,

Their father's hell did slowly go by,

And feed them on your dreams

The one they picked, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,

So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of tender years,

Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,

And so please help them with your youth,

They seek the truth before they can die.

Can you hear and do you care and

Can’t you see we must be free to

Teach your children what you believe in.

Make a world that we can live in.

Teach your parents well,

Their children's hell will slowly go by,

And feed them on your dreams

The one they picked, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,

So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

So I have been wrestling with this blog post for a few weeks now. I had several ideas as to what I wanted to write about and just could not put my thoughts together. The other day I was driving to the store and this song came on the radio. Now I am a child of the 60s and 70s and I love the music of that time, I honestly do not listen to anything else. Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young are one of my favorites for so many reasons, mainly I love their harmony when they sing. I feel that some of their songs speak to me directly and some not so much. But I know that I can sing along with almost all of their songs and I love to sing in the car. 

So why did this song hit me at this time?? I have mentioned before that I am the mother of two grown sons. I am very proud of both of my sons and I think Chris and I did a pretty good job getting them through the rough spots. Sam is married and has two boys of his own and is doing a really good job of being a daddy. Luke is currently living back with us after being on his own for the past six years. He is trying to figure out what the next chapter in his life will be and how to make it happen.

As parents of little ones we are constantly trying to make sure our children survive each and every day. Making sure they eat right and are safe. Making sure we provide them with enough experiences that they learn right from wrong, good from bad and happy from sad. Hoping they will have failures along the way so that they understand and appreciate success.  Most of the time we just go through each day and kids are learning by living, experiencing different things and reacting to those things. We try to manufacture learning moments and that usually does not work the way we want it to. Kids learn how to play by playing, they may not play the way we want them to but they are playing the way they want to play in order to learn how a particular toy functions.  

As our kids are growing, they learn by watching, and watch they do so you had better be aware of what you are showing them. They are listening to every word you say, you may not notice them listening, and sometimes you think your children are completely deaf because they do not respond to you when you are speaking. Nevertheless, they are listening waiting for you to say something they can use against you in the future.  But mostly they are listening to learn how to communicate with others. Your kids are listening to others around them to spot inconsistencies and differences in the way people talk with each other. It’s amazing to me how many things a child will pick up in the course of a day, some good and a whole lot of bad. May the bad not come from their parents and may their parents correct the bad when it comes out.

The one line in the aforementioned song that draws me in every time—“feed them on your dreams…” Tell your children what your dreams were as a child, teen, a young adult and who you are now. Tell them what dreams you let go and those you are still holding on to. Let them be free to dream their own dreams, let them learn from yours and use them to feed theirs. If we are true to our dreams our children will see that and learn to be true to theirs. We cannot give our children dreams, those come from within each and every single person. We cannot live their dreams any more than they can live ours. We must let our child go and do what they want to go and do. We must love them as they are, pray for them daily and help them dream big. We must be there when their dreams do not pan out they way they wanted so that we can offer comfort.

If we teach our children well they will grow up with the knowledge that we loved them and only wanted the best for them. When they are grown and gone hopefully, some of what we gave them will help them through the tough times. Children love your parents.

Waiting for the one you love

This is the man I love. This is the man I have loved since I was 17 years old. This is the man I have been married to for 28 years. This is the father of my 2 boys and grandfather of my 2 grandsons. He is my best friend. This is the man I wait for on many of a Friday night as he travels home from working away from home.

He is an engineer and a really good one at that. He works so hard, always has and always will. He doesn't always receive the recognition he might deserve, but he is always appreciated by those he works for. He is currently working for his company at a site that is 9 hours away from our home. He leaves on Monday and comes home on Friday. There are occasional weeks that he is home and I love those weeks. But the most important thing is that I try to encourage him when he is gone.

Last night I failed at the encouragement part! I was so excited that he was going to be home next week and then was brutely reminded that he has to be at another site Sunday-Tuesday. This was my fault, I know he told me about this, I simply forgot. We were talking for our nightly Skype conversation and it ended abruptly becasue I was in tears and couldn't hide my disappointment. I did apologize for my reaction but I knew it wasn't enough, for me. I wanted him to know that I really do appreciate all that he does for me and for our family and that I will not ruin our weekend with a bad attitude.

My job as his wife is to be is helpmeat, to be the one person he can count on to lift him up and to wait for him to come home. He supports his family better than most and always has, he gives me ALMOST everything I want and absolutely everything I need. He has never let me down and has surprised me on more than one occasion. He never makes me do things I don't want to and often encourages me to do things I am not normally comfortable doing. I will wait for him because he is worth it.

He loves me, and shows me this is so many ways. But the most important way he shows me is simply by telling me. Everyday! For 28 years he has said "I Love You" everyday! We don't miss a day to tell each other " I Love You" So even when things don't work out the way I thought they would I will still say "I Love You" because really that is what it is all about. We wait for one another because we vowed to do so, I vowed to be home when he got here, I plan to do this until God sees fit to do something differently.

So who are you waiting for? And do you make it worth their while when they get home. Hugs and Kisses may seem old fashioned and running to the door when they arrive may seem ridiculous to you, but surely there is a special way to show that special someone that you are so happy to have them home. You have been waiting for so long to see them, make their arrival the most important part of their day. Even if you see them at the end of a hard day of work, everyday!

He is worth the wait for me.

On giving:

Malachi 3:10 "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this," says the LORD of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows.”

2 Corinthians 9:7 Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

So here I am talking about tithing—why?  Well Chris and I are on a new adventure when it comes to church and it is the adventure of a lifetime.  Okay so maybe that is a bit dramatic but for us it is a big deal.  Both of us began our church adventure as children going with our families. There were few Sundays that our families did not go to church. Chris often talks about having to go to church when they were on vacation.  After we got married and moved to our first home, we began looking for a church. When we moved back to our hometown looking for a church was a bit more of a challenge, the church we were married in had gone through some changes and our families had left. I thought it was important to find a church home. This was a longer process than we anticipated and there were a few months when we did not go to church. Finally, however, the week before our first son was born we found a church home.  We soon settled into to this church family and there have been a few more church moves since that one but one thing remained the same—we gave.

Chris always wrote the check to church before he paid any other bill, there were times when I would say but “God won’t shut off our electricity.” The amusing thing is that we never really were at risk of having our electricity shut off. My husband is a very good caretaker but more importantly, he is faithful to the Word.  We did not start tithing right away but we gave every week and we increased it regularly to the point where the tithe was what we were giving.

So what do these two paragraphs have to do with one another?

We are currently not a part of a “traditional” church. We were part of a new church plant for two years and we decided that it was time for us to do it a new way.  Church to us needs to be different from what we are used to, we want to be active in the community. We want to be active in the lives of others, going through the Word and learning from what God has to teach each of us. Right now, we are a church of 2, Chris and myself. We meet weekly at local coffee shops and we send the meeting times out via twitter—theProject_KC.  We rest firmly on Matthew 18: 20, "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."  So far, we have not had any visitors, but we don’t mind, we enjoy going through the Bible together and we are learning from one another.

The rub is in tithing—when you are part of a church, it’s easy to write the check and drop it in the plate. Rarely do you consider where that money goes. For us, there is no plate. We get to decide exactly where our tithe is going. Each month we think that we might not be able to think of another place to give and without fail, God drops a need in our path. Friends on mission in Europe, an old friend and his family preparing to go to Africa, a community development in Nashville, a church plant in Colorado, friends desiring a return to Central Asia, an eye mission in Haiti and many more.

You see there are more needs than we have money to give. That is the joy, we are able to give to people we know and it is a joy to know where and who is receiving our tithe. I am constantly waiting for God to show me the next need we will be allowed to be a part of. We have been blessed and we are humbled by God, we have not always been the best stewards of the gift God has given us but we have always tried to honor Him in our tithe. After all, it all comes from Him and ultimately it all belongs to Him.

WE WENT TO MANHATTAN!!

So, today is Valentine's Day, it is Monday also and we have to work! My wonderful Valentine, my husband Chris of course, planned our celebration of this day for Sunday.

We woke early and were on the road by 7am, with our first stop at Starbucks for coffee. And then we headed to Manhattan....the little apple, that is. So what is so romantic about a 3 hour trip west to Manhattan, KS?? I am so glad you asked. This is possibly the most important thing I have learned in my marriage.

My husband is not an outwardly romantic guy, but when he wants to, he can knock my socks off. A nice dinner, a diamond necklace, a tennis bracelet, crystal glasses, or a big red heart of chocolates, these are just a few of the ways my husband has surprised me over the years.  I never know when it will happen and I don't expect it all the time. Currently, we are in the process of possibly remodeling our kitchen; this is a HUGE deal and I am still thinking it may not happen, but he is thinking about it and crunching numbers, that means the world to me because I really hate my kitchen right now. Chris even decided we needed to go the remodeling show in order to talk to people about different things. This may not seem like a big deal to you but my husband hates to spend money on these types of things so for him to suggest it, well you can just imaging my JOY!!

So what does all of that have to do with Valentine's day and Manhattan, KS?? http://www.geocaching.com/

You have to click on the above link to get a full picture of what this trip was all about. Chris discovered geo-caching about 3 years ago when we spent the summer in Colorado. He investigated it and decided it sounded like something fun to do.  We purchased a cheap little handheld GPS device and we were off and running. Little did I know at that time that this hobby would dictate many of our trips in the years to come. I am not going to explain all that is involved with geo-caching here because it takes too long, click on the link or go to wikipedia(it has the answers for everything).  Over the past 3 years we have made special trips in order to complete challenges or to check off another state for a found cache.  It is a great hobby for Chris because it gets him outside, wandering around and taking hikes through the woods.  It has given him something to do while he is traveling, instead of sitting in a hotel room after a long day of work. He has found caches in Seoul, South Korea and in Frankfurt, Germany.  I'm not sure of his total state count but there are quite a few up to now. 

Yesterday was one of those days, it was a beautiful day out, warm for February and a wonderful day to be together.  We love to take little day trips, traveling together, talking or not, listening to Dan Fogelberg or NPR. We love to be together enjoying each other. So the geocaching is more his hobby than mine, but because I would rather be with him than not, I go along on some of his longer hunts.  There were some special caches to be found in and on the way to Manhattan so that was the goal for the day.  A lot of the caches require a long walk on a trail, or a hike up a steep hill or down the side of a hill. So the beauty of those are the walk outside enjoying the day. Like I said earlier, yesterday was beautiful, it was warm enough to be without a coat!! The main problem for me was the mud, after all the snow we have experienced this winter and the warmness of the past few days, there was a lot of mud out there. Chris had forgotten to put my hiking boots in the car and my Keens are not the best in the mud.  I did a couple of the hikes, but toward the end of the day I chose to stay in car and read. This is good with me, I love to read and Kindle holds as many books as I will need for just such and occasion.

So what is in it for me?? I get to be with Chris all day long, I get to be outside (if I choose to be) and I got a really nice lunch in Manhattan. Chris did some research to find a nice place for us to have a nice meal for our Valentine's Day celebration. It was a little Italian Bistro with a limited menu, but we saw the chef/owner and the food was delicious. It was a perfect meal with my husband.

So what I have learned over the years of our marriage is that romance takes many forms. Romance in the time you invest in the one you love the most. Going along with him as he enjoys his hobby is romantic. Letting him pick a wonderful place to eat is romantic. And just being in the same space with one another is VERY romantic.  And as long as I get to spend the day with my husband doing whatever I am a very happy and fulfilled woman.

You may have to alter your view of romance and take the pressure off it. It may not be what you have learned over the years but in the end it is probably so much better.

Have a very Happy Valentine's Day and tell the one you love that you love him or her.

Turning 50 is all it is cracked up to be!!

Believe it or not I am embarking on the most exciting time of life.  I am about to turn 50, and I could not be more thrilled about the prospect of that.

I am in better health than I was when I was 25 and I enjoy staying healthy much more than I did then.  I love taking my morning walks and I love being outdoors with my husband and our puppy, which happens to be a 5 year old, Labradoodle.  I take care of my 1-year-old grandson every day, and this gives me more enjoyment and exercise than I ever imagined.  I am doing some counseling at a local pregnancy resource center and in May will graduate with my Masters Degree in counseling. Chris and I have been married for almost 28 years and I love him more than I did the day I married him.

So what is all this about then?

What I have learned over the years is to take of myself.  Like many young moms, I was 24 when our first son was born and 26 with the second; I quickly fell into the “mommy mode.”  I barely had time to shower before the kids were awake and demanding all my attention let alone fuss about what I was wearing or putting make-up on. Many days I would put on my “uniform” which was sweat pants, a t-shirt and an old flannel shirt a hand-me-down from my brother-in-law.  This was a comfortable outfit and it fit; and after having gained well over 50 pounds with both pregnancies, it was rare to find comfort and fit in one outfit.  I always swore I would never leave the house looking so frumpy, yeah; I left the house many times in that outfit. I was blessed to stay home with my kids when they were little—up to the time the oldest was 18—and I loved staying home with them, we played and watched TV, I cooked and cleaned.  I really did not care what I looked like or how I presented myself to the outside world, I was a busy mom and that was all that mattered.

As the kids started school, I started to care a bit more but not much.  I still relied upon jeans, t-shirts and sweatshirts as my clothing of choice.  I rarely wore make-up, I always have had really good skin, thanks to great genes, so I never depended upon make-up to hide little imperfections.  I spent the summers in the sun and I love being tanned, yes, I know it is not good for me and I have damaged my skin so I need no lectures on this subject.  Occasionally, I would dress up for a special event or date and I would put make-up on and I really like the way I looked and felt with all the fru-fru-ness of it. However, it just seemed like a lot of work to do it all the time. 

So here I am almost 50 years old and looking back I would change a few things.  I would care more about my outward appearance on a daily basis. Not the superficial outwardness but the way I felt when I did take a few minutes making myself look as if I cared about myself. As I said above, I loved the way I felt when I was put-together for a special occasion. So, now I get ready every morning, I shower and put on a bit of make-up, normally just foundation, powder and eyeliner or mascara. I does not seem like much but it makes me feel like I am prepared to greet the day and anyone who happens to come to my door, even it if is just my 1-year-old grandson.  I still wear jeans and t-shirts, but if I am going out, I try to put on a nice sweater or a jacket. If I am going to my counseling position, I always dress professionally.  When I go to class, I pair the comfort and the professional together. 

When I see young moms at the store I can empathize with them, I know it is hard to get the kids ready and to have to tote them and all their stuff around.  But take five minutes to comb your hair and put a bit of lip gloss on before you leave the house, try not go into public in sweatpants—or at least buy some that are fashionable (if there is such a thing)—an never have a word plastered across your behind!! That is not flattering at ANY age.  At my most casual, I wear workout pants and a t-shirt or sweatshirt and this is not an everyday occurrence, I try to limit it but sometimes nothing feels better than stretchy britches. 

The thing I regret the most about my younger self, is that I did not think about how I was not preparing myself to greet my husband every night when he came home from work. I generally was worn out and just was glad he was there to pick up a bit of the slack with the kids, I didn’t  think about the fact that he may have wanted to see a more put-together wife after a long day.  Chris never said a thing and thought I was beautiful no matter what, but I wish I would have given more thought to the importance of my relationship to him and that it was important enough to take a few minutes to make myself a bit more attractive to my husband. 

Some days are better than others and some days I want to curl up in my pajama pants, which I allow myself to do, but I cannot leave the house on those days.  And yes, I still wear my Chuck Taylor’s, with a denim skirt or a nice pair of jeans you can pull this off!  All I am saying is that your outward appearance is a reflection of your inward feeling—one can dictate the other and often times does.  Make the effort and you will feel it, I promise!!