BLUE-EYED BOYS

I have been thinking about this post for a while and today it finally came together in my brain!!

My love affair with blue-eyed boys started when I was 17 years old. I met, started dating and fell in love with my first blue-eyed boy.

He is my one true love and an absolute anchor in my life. He is and always has been the spiritual leader of our home. He is the provider that God built him to be. He is the adventurer who makes my life so much more exciting. Most importantly, because of him I have so many more blue-eyed boys to love. 

This is the second blue-eyed boy who stole my heart. His blue eyes sparkle when he is happy.  His smile is big and beautiful and his laugh is infectious. His is able to envelop you in his hugs. He brought the best daughter-in-law into our family. He works hard providing for his family. I am fortunate enough to have him close by.

Twenty months later this young man enter my life and those blue-eyed captured another piece of my heart.  He is a deep thinker and feeler. He fascinates me with his ability to build community around him. There is very little gray area with this one, black-and-white is where he has always lived.  He lives far away from me so I cherish the moments when he is close.

And just when you think your heart cannot be any fuller, another blue-eyed boy enters your life. This is my first blue-eyed grandson. He is beautiful. He is sweet. He is smart. Okay I know that every grandma thinks her grandchildren are the best but mine really are. He loves trains and TV. He loves school and adores his mommy. He is five now and pretty much knows everything.

Seventeen months later this little guy with big, round blue eyes entered our lives. He eyes are so round and expressive you can tell what he is thinking. He is mischievous and daring. He is his father's son. He loves his big brother and does not like being without him.  He is three (and a half) and is not a baby anymore--he will tell you this.

The latest blue-eyed boy to enter, fill and steal my heart is now seven months old. He is pretty new on the scene so he is just figuring things out. He loves to be in the mix with his big brothers. He has dimples that you can drown in. He has his mommy wrapped around his tiny baby fingers. His eyes literally light up when he looks at you.

So, you ask, what have you learned about life from all these blue-eyed boys? Well, when anyone tells me that brown eyes--which are the color of mine--are dominate, I literally laugh out loud. I couldn't ask for more love and joy that all of these guys have brought to my life. Each of these boys have taught me something new and have challenged me in ways I never thought possible. I don't know what the future holds and how many, if any, more boys--or heaven forbid girls--are destined for my heart but I know that with each addition my heart gets a little bigger to make room.

 

Surviving Winter 101

Today Amos and I took our walk on our favorite walking trail in Gladstone, we were the only ones on the path so I let him run off leash the entire time. He wore his sniffer muscle out and is currently sacked out on the floor. While on this walk I had a lot of time to think(I come up with most of my blog posts while walking) about this current season and time of year. OK OK OK, I know it is not officially winter but if the past two days are any indication of what is to come, it is going to be a LONG season and we need not go crazy waiting for spring. So I titled this post "Surviving Winter 101" let me preface this with the following statement, these are my ideas, some of them may actually be rooted in scientific fact but most of them are common sense and just things I've learned!!

GO OUTSIDE!! Do not spend the next 5-6 months trapped in your house with the heater or fireplace keeping you toasty. Bundle everybody up, babies included, and spend some time, playing, walking, shopping, doing anything, OUTSIDE. You will feel better afterward, your children will burn off some energy--because we know that cold air burns off more energy--your babies will build some tolerance to the cold, but most importantly you will move around in the cold and appreciate your nice warm house when you go back inside. Go outside everyday, now if it is freezing rain I will give you a pass, snow! go. Kiddoes love playing in the snow. Go out for a little while everyday, I walk for 30-60 minutes most days and sometimes that is the only time I get out but I try my hardest to do so. I am healthier, happier and hungrier when I have spent this time outside in the cold.

DRINK HOT BEVERAGES!! Coffee, tea(there are so many flavors that are meant to be enjoyed in the winter), hot cocoa, the choice is yours. I love the feeling of the heat going down after that first sip. And the way it warms me from the inside out. Plus hot beverages just taste so good. Use real cream, high fat cocoa and all that is rich for your winter beverages, your body loves the extra fat in the winter time. Don't worry about the calories, if you are doing the aforementioned activity, you will burn them off. And the fat keeps you warm.

OPEN THE WINDOWS!! Now this one may seem a bit controversial to some but I swear by it. Once every couple of weeks open some windows in your house, turn off the heater, and let the cold air in to kill off any extra bugs that may be trying to survive the winter. You can do this while your outside playing. So many folks get sick in the winter and I believe it is because they keep themselves cooped up with their bugs and it is hard to ward it off. I especially love to open the windows when it is snowing because it just sounds so pretty. So open it up and kill them off. Again, you will enjoy the warmth after you close your house and turn on the heat. It will also make you so thankful that you have the ability to warm your home--many do not have the luxury.

SNUGGLE!! There is no better activity do experience in the winter than to snuggle with someone. Your spouse, or significant other, your kids or grandkids, or maybe your puppy. Pick one, two or all of the above but snuggle. Watch a movie, a football game, read a book or listen to music. You can also talk or take a nap. " I don't have anyone to snuggle with" you say, that's okay snuggle up in a big blanket with your nice hot beverage and do whatever you want.

So there you go, this is how I survive most of the winter. I have to be honest by the time the first of March rolls around I am pretty much done with the cold and am ready to move on. There will be days when I don't go outside because I'm sick of bundling up, I'm sick of the time it takes to get ready to go outside and I'm sick of everything looking brown. But if I do most of what I have mentioned, it does make winter more enjoyable for a longer period of time.

That's what I've learned!!

The seasons of our lives

I live in Kansas City, Missouri and for the most part I absolutely love living here. There are a lot of things to do. The skyline is so welcoming and a sight for sore eyes when traveling. We have major league sports teams, we have NASCAR, if you're interested. shopping is world class, eating choices are spectacular especially BBQ, oh and I have mentioned the coffee before so many to choose from. But really one thing I love the most is in the Midwest we have seasons that change!! I love a little bit about every season and a lot about a couple of the seasons

For instance: Summer--I used to love summer and it was my most favorite season, the sun for so many hours, getting tan and swimming. The ability to do anything you want because there are so many hours in the day. Growing your own vegetables, not the squirrels who steal your own vegetables. You can taste summer, the freshness of the veggies and fruit. Summer vacation, the clothes are light and unrestrictive, flip flops. Grandsons playing in the sprinklers. But as I have gotten a bit older the heat is less tolerable and I spend more time in the air conditioning in order to stay comfortable. And lets face it, tanning just isn't good for you no matter how good you feel with that tan.

Winter--I love winter for about a month. I love the first snowfall. I love curling up with a book and a hot cup of coffee under a cozy blanket. I love snuggling with Chris on the sofa watching a movie. You can feel winter deep in your bones the cold is blue and dark. I don't love being cold. I don't love driving in winter weather. I don't love missing my morning walks when there is winter weather. I don't love the dirt involved with winter weather. I do love the bright red cardinal against the pure white snow. I also love how quiet things are at night in the winter time, it is almost magical. Christmas wouldn't be the same if it weren't in the winter time.

Spring--New life, bright colors, warming days and bright blue skies. It is so beautiful to walk through the neighborhood and see the trees bursting forth with so much color and the sweet smells of those blooms. Spring is the season you smell, it is sweet and fresh and new and green and pink.  The promise of longer days and the feel of the dirt when preparing your garden. Mowing the yard. Spring rains and thunderstorms, not tornado warnings--I really don't like those. Robins building their nests. Grandsons begging to go outside and play. Walking around the Plaza with Chris and Amos, friskiness because of being outside for longer times, Amos not Chris;)

Autumn--now we're talking--Absolutely my most favorite season of all. The trees are changing into colors that are so vibrant and the colors look like a Crayola box. Everyday you see new color. Autumn is the season you can almost touch. The color is so deep and rich, the jewel tones are begging to be held in you hands. The days are cool and crisp. Hoodies and jeans and boots. Changing your closet out from the lightweight summer clothes in pastels to the deeper darker tones of your cooler weather clothing. Sweaters and scarves and socks. The windows open and it being just a little to cool but you don't want to close them because it is just so nice to have the windows open after a long hot summer.

The changing of the seasons is something to look forward to each year. Each season brings a new adventure and each year it is different. That is what makes living in the Midwest a joy, it is always different and exciting. I look forward to the change of each season and long for next when I'm in the midst of the current. The thing I have learned is that rarely are we content with what we have but if we hang on for a little bit it will change.

www.geocaching.com

So I have decided to fill you all in on this thing called Geocaching. I've spoken about it a few times but have not gone into depth because honestly it is hard to explain without sounding nerdy! the best way to explain it is to send you to the scene of the crime. www.geocaching.com This will tell you most of everything you may have questions about and what it is involved.

Chris's 3rd GPS

 

a found cache with the boys

Okay so that is the technicalities of what it is, and I'm trusting that you actually clicked on the link and read it:) Now, what brought us to this hobby? It started in 2008 when Chris was doing his internship for his MDiv at Midwestern in Colorado. One of the pastors we worked with mentioned this to Chris and it piqued his interest. So of course we went out and purchased a cheap little GPS device and thus started our www.geocaching.com adventure (you like the wink wink nudge nudge there).  It took Chris a while to really get into it but once he did he did it with gusto. At first it was just finding random caches around home and then he figured out that this was lots bigger than just an "around home" kind of thing. He bought the premium membership, which allowed him to have access to more caches, special caches, challenge caches, events and more. And all this led to us having way more adventures than either of us ever imagined. The one thing I regret is that www.geocaching.com wasn't part of our lives when our boys were younger--oh well now we have our grandsons and they LOVE it.


Out on a limb, over a creek for a cache

Because of www.geocaching.com we have seen things we never would have seen, gone places we never would have gone and done things we never would have done, and gotten more bug bites and poison ivy than we would have normally. Chris enjoys it because it gets him out and about. He travels on occasion with his job and so he spends a lot of time in hotel rooms. He doesn't watch TV when he travels, unless there is a Chiefs game on, so this offers him the ability to get out of his room in the evening. The places he travels for work are generally not very exciting but with www.geocaching.com he can go out and get exercise and fresh air. We have taken some interesting trips all planned around www.geocaching.com.  Sometimes entire weekends are devoted to this hobby. As long as he gets me coffee I'm generally pretty easy to please.

I love pretty coffee

Trips to Nashville have been prolonged because of this hobby, and I might add reluctantly on my part!! When we go to Nashville I generally want to get to Nashville.  I cannot tell you how many miles we have put on various vehicles because of this hobby, and not one mile would I take back, well maybe some of those on the way to Nashville. This weekend, for instance, we put ~1000 on the little red car mostly driving around Illinois.

www.geocaching.com may seem silly or a waste of time to you but for us it is chance to get away for a little time together. It is the opportunity to visit new places or to see parts of our city that we wouldn't normally see. Chris has caches in Germany, South Korea and Canada. We saw a part of Hawaii we wouldn't have seen if not for caching. Now that the little boys have found out that this is a fun thing for them too to possibilities are endless! It is so fun for them to find a cache and get excited about it, and they love to leave the SWAG in caches that are big enough for it, their SWAG of choice is little plastic dinosaurs.

Jacob and Caden are quite the little cachers

Jacob and Caden are quick to ask grandpa to go out and find a www.geocaching.com. Jacob will usually set a certain number of caches we should find and he's pretty good about keeping track. Whenever you have to chance to spend time with the people you love most in the world it is not time wasted. So if you are the tiniest bit intrigued by this you can download a GPS app on your smart phone and try it out. You'll have to depend on a good data plan for accuracy but it's worth a shot. We've met interesting people and have seen some interesting things all because of this hobby. Find something you love to do with the people you love and you will find yourself better off. And may you stumble on a place you've never been.


The highest point in Kansas



Growing older not being old

I’m doing a Bible study on Wednesday mornings. It begins at 6:30am and this requires me to miss my morning walk with Chris and Amos. We walk at 5:30am mainly because it works best for Chris—for one if we wait until evening I won’t want to get out after dinner, I pretty much hunker down for the night once my belly is full and the kitchen is clean—another reason is that Chris is not a morning person or does he like to walk for exercise purposes, so I have to get him out before he is actually awake. So anyway, this morning I decided after bible study to stop at the Maple Woods trail and get my walk in—now normally I would go and get Amos for the walk too but today I decided to leave him be—don’t tell him, he would be angry.

As I was walking I got to thinking about the things I truly love about my life and being me.

The first thing I thought about is I love walking—I hate running and I don’t understand those who love it or do it, rarely do they look happy about it. Now there are days when I don’t love walking but that is usually weather related—too hot, too cold, too icy/snowy, too achy, too whatever.  But most days I love getting out and being outside. I can’t listen to music or anything in my ears while I’m walking—for some reason this literally drives me crazy, having the sound that close in my head is too distracting for me. I love hearing the sounds around me, especially on this particular trail, there is the sound of the bugs and the birds, the trees and creek, you know, the natural sounds. But then there are the sounds of the construction workers the sound of people working hard for a living, in the heat of the day to build a house for a family. There are the sounds of the other folks walking or running or biking along the same trail. There are the sounds of the moms who are demonstrating a healthy lifestyle to their children by bring them along with little bikes or wagons. All of these sounds are wonderful to me at this time, now at another time of the day all these same sounds might be completely overwhelming to me because there are times when I need to have quiet and be completely alone, but when I am on this trail I love hearing all of these sounds

The next thing I thought about was: I love coffee, A LOT. I have a cup or two every morning—and sometimes in the afternoon. I love hot coffee with half and half, I love iced coffee with whole milk, I love hot and cold mochas at any of the numerous small, independent coffee houses in KC (or any town for that matter). We will search out little coffee places when we travel. I love weekend coffee dates with Chris or the spontaneous call from Sam to meet them for coffee. Coffee is good and I would like to thank Luke and Sam for raising my standards on the quality of my coffee. As I’m writing I am sitting outside in the City Market at Quay Coffee, with Amos by my side, enjoying an iced mocha—I LOVE COFFEE!!!

Number 3 on this list—and these are in no way ordered, only how I thought about them this morning—I love wine, not so much that it is a problem—wine, like coffee, is something to enjoy socially as well as at home in the evening with Chris and/or friends. Good wine is subjective, what I enjoy you may hate and vice versa. We have a few wines that we really like so that’s what we drink. We love going to wineries and trying new wines. Missouri has some great wineries and we have visited several of them.  One of our most favorite wines is a California wine from the Livermore Valley name of Wente—Chris found them more than 25 years ago on a business trip to the area and we can get their wines at our local grocery store—I did request it and they obliged me by getting in stock—I feel that I have to go in a purchase it occasionally so they will keep carrying it.  I love sitting outside on a comfortable summer evening with Chris and enjoying a glass of wine. I love getting together with friends and talking and laughing over a glass of wine.

I love being in the sun, I love how I feel with a little color in my skin and I know I shouldn’t spend as much time as I do in the sun, but believe me it isn’t as much time as it used to be. I wear a hat sometimes too, which is a big deal because I love having the sun on my skin. I love going to the pool or sitting on the deck with a book and being out in the sun.

I love the chores I have around our home. I love cleaning my house, I especially love having a clean house, I love the satisfaction of how tired I am after cleaning the house, a job well done is something to be happy about. I love mowing the yard, I love how the yard looks with the freshly mown lines and I love how it smells as I am mowing, now this used to be something I hated because my allergies were out of control but that isn’t the case anymore. I love how I feel after mowing, again it’s a good tired and I can see the fruits of my labor.  I mow because Chris works really hard all day and takes care of his family, he shouldn’t have to come home and mow or spend time on Saturday doing it. He also doesn’t care about the yard as much as I do so I mow. He does all the other stuff, like the remodeling things—I don’t love that—I love the finished product and I love coming up with the ideas but the actual work is not my cup of tea. Another chore I love is ironing—weird I know, but I love ironing, I love how everything looks all fresh and clean and crisp. I love turning a movie on to keep me on track through this chore. I love how Chris looks when he leaves for work in his ironed clothes. I always tell him that how he looks is a direct reflection on me.

So you may be wondering at this point how the title of this came about when it has nothing to do with the things l thought about on my walk this morning. The conclusion I came to this morning is that I love growing older, I love how I feel (most of the time), I am healthier at 53 than I was at 23, I am stronger today than I was a year ago and all of this, I hope, will keep me from being old as I grow older. I have to be the one to make the choice to do all the things I love, once I quit I am afraid that I will start being old. It may hurt sometimes and there may come a day when I physically cannot do what I do now but I am going to fight like crazy to keep pushing that day farther and farther off. I truly look forward to growing older and enjoying the life I have been gifted by God to live. May you grow older without being old. 

You can do more than you ever thought

It has been almost three years since I have written anything on this blog--mainly because I couldn't get into it for one reason or another--also sometimes I think you need to take a break from sharing your thoughts and life with others and just be. 

So much has happened since I last wrote a word--I now have 3 grandsons--all of whom are absolutely fabulous. Chris and I went to Hawaii on a trip of a lifetime. My son and daughter-in-law now both have jobs that allow them to work from home so I am not needed daily for childcare--although I still see these boys almost everyday (I'm not complaining one bit). We remodeled our kitchen, went on a family trip in the Navigator to the Grand Canyon, and many trips to Nashville to visit Luke.

January 18th we received a call from Luke's girlfriend Jess that he was seriously ill and had been taken to the ER at Vanderbilt Medical Center. I asked her to keep me posted throughout the day and I tried not to worry. Later that night she called back--freaking out and completely overwhelmed with the circumstances. I did my best to calm her down and assured her I would get to Nashville as quickly as I could--which turned out to be the next day and not until about 2:00pm. 

Luke was in a motorcycle accident on August 31, 2013--4 1/2 months later he was laying in the SICU--surgical intensive care unit--consumed with infection and literally dying. He was on a ventilator and more meds than I can count or remember.  The accident resulted in a compound fracture of his tibia and fibula of his left leg requiring a rod, screws and a bone graft surgery to replace 3 inches of his big bone. He was doing great and had even been given the all clear to start walking and return to work soon. Another thing he picked up during the accident was MRSA--because of the nature of the break and the accident being on a dirty road. The MRSA didn't show it's ugly head until given an opportunity to erupt throughout Luke's body and it did so with a vengeance. The MRSA led to necrotizing fasciitis--flesh eating bacteria--which destroyed the ankle, part of his shin, all flesh and muscle in these areas and all the work that had been done previously. There was still a chance that Luke could loose his leg but the doctors where working so hard to prevent that.

Luke spent 21 days in SICU underwent 7 surgeries--the last of which ended up being 9 hours of tiny vascular work to do what is called a free flap. The doctors removed a large muscle from his back and attached to his ankle, moved a bit of calf muscle over to the shin and scraped a good portion of his right thigh for a skin graft. This was intense to say the least and had to be monitored hourly for the first couple of days. At this time the doctors thought Luke would be in the hospital another 2 weeks. Because of the MRSA they were doing blood cultures almost daily to check for new growth--the infection grew regularly for the first two weeks and after A Lot of antibiotic therapy it quit showing new growth during the third week. One week following his final surgery he was allowed to go home. 23 days spent in the hospital total.  I spent 2 weeks living in the hospital with him at first--I couldn't leave him, he was so sick and I was afraid that if I left him he might not be there when I got back. You see he was also suffering from ICU psychosis during the first two weeks. Not aware of much of reality. After he came home he was still having "foggy brain". The meds were strong and really messed with his mental functions.

This is where my story really begins. Luke coming home was fraught with stress and I wasn't sure I could do everything that was required to take care of him, things that professional nurses had been doing up to this point. MRSA being what it is, it doesn't respond to any but one antibiotic which has to be administered intravenously, 3 times a day for 6 weeks. Luke had a PICC line--permanent IV direct line to the heart--pretty much. His leg had to be elevated 24/7 for the first two weeks home, and his dressings had to be changed daily, he needed to be fed large quantities of protein--to help "feed" the skin flap--lots of liquids, lots of sleep, a bedside commode, a urinal that had to be emptied regularly, a wheel chair not to mention all the other meds he was taking, all at different times of the day. I had to take care to use rubber gloves when dealing with a lot of this because of the infection--no use two of us getting sick.

I had already moved into his old room prior to him coming home. I had been getting his room downstairs ready for his homecoming, shopping and cleaning. This is my job, I am a mom I take care of my kids. Jess and I got him settled in his bed, propped with loads of pillows and a fan blowing on him--he has always been a hot box! His IV meds would be delivered to the door, now these had to be kept cold--Rob, Luke's roommate had a small fridge in his room, so we got it moved down for the storage of the meds. The IV had to flushed, administered--which took 90 minutes--and flushed again; 3 times a day, for 5 weeks we did this. His skin flap literally looked like a turkey breast on his leg--it was huge to say the least--I was terrified of doing something wrong but I trudged along and did what was required to keep Luke on the road to recovery. Cleaning his dressings this took at least 30 minutes everyday.  I took Luke to doctor appointments and would hold my breath until the doctor would say that things looked good--PHEWEE!! 

Days were sometimes long, I watched a lot of Netflix, read a couple of books and watched Law and Order reruns. I cooked, I cleaned, I did laundry, I shopped. Chris came on weekends to give us support. We talked to Sam, Melissa and the boys--who up to this time I was taking care of them part-time while mommy and daddy worked--I missed these little guys but I had to take care of uncle Luke. We got into a routine and pretty much survived on doing what we had to do. My life revolved around Luke's care, I depended on the constant prayer support from the outside world--people we didn't even know were praying for us and we thrived because of it.

2 months to the date after I arrived I knew it was time to leave. Luke was done with the IV med, his dressings could be changed every other day, he was getting around on crutches and could do the private things without my help. Jess was ready to jump in and take care of the things he couldn't do. Friends were around to take him out of his apartment and into the real world. I couldn't wait to get back home but I cried almost the entire drive because so much of my life had changed, not only for the last two months but permanently. My son, my baby almost died--this will always be a part of me--I have never been more helpless or terrified as I was those weeks in the hospital. I had to let go of the control I had while I was his sole care giver.My grandsons had gotten a little bigger and #3 was closer to arriving. My mom had taken care of my puppy for this entire time and he did fine. Sleeping in a real bed was a blessing I never thought I would think about--I'd been sleeping on a twin mattress on the floor. It took me a couple of weeks to feel normal in my own home again. I cried almost daily just thinking about what had happened.

So, after this long drawn out post, you're asking, What did you learn?? Life is fragile but it is also worth fighting for. It can change in an instant or it can be monotonous for long periods of time--hope for monotony. You can take care of your sick child no matter what. He is your child, you will fight like hell and jump in the deep end to do what is required to keep him alive. You are capable because you love, you are capable because you gave life to this child, you are capable because you have more support from others than you ever imagined, you are capable because God has equipped you as a parent. But most importantly you are capable because you are!!